I’ve shared a number of things on my Blog but this is, by far, one of the most personal. This is something I haven’t really spoken about in real life or on here. I’m Pansexual! My trip into self acceptance lane has not been easy – I doubt it is for anyone – but it has taught me a great deal of things.
It wasn’t hard for the reasons you might think. My family is supportive, I’m not religious, and no ever directly told me it was wrong. It was hard because I knew that it was against social standards and that would mean being different. Even more than I already am, another thing that sets me apart from a lot of other people, and I know not everyone is so accepting or understanding.
Coming out was a lot easier for me than for some. So far I’ve only told my Mum, but I don’t really feel obligated to come out to everyone I know in real life, my Mum was the one I wanted to tell or have approval from the most, I knew she would accept it and be fine with it, but it was still hard to tell her. For ages I’ve felt really bad about not being honest about this to her, like in some way I was lying to her. I don’t know how the rest of my family will react. I don’t know when or if I’ll tell the rest of my family or maybe I’ll just wait, but telling my Mum has made me feel less afraid.
For most of my life, I have thought of myself as Straight, Bisexual, Gay, Pansexual, and who knows how many other connotations, but in the end, as my level of self-awareness grew, I realised and accepted that I am indeed Pansexual.
Pansexual: My gut told me I’d correctly named my feelings of attraction. For those of you who aren’t sure what that is, Pansexual means that the person is capable of being attracted to people regardless of their Gender Identity or Biological Sex. It means that you’re not Bi, as in attracted to two sides of a coin, but pan – attracted to all representations of Gender. For me, Pansexuality is an exhilarating and playful sexuality.
My Mum was really great about it, she let me explain what Pansexual means without questioning it too much, and her support means so much to me. She’s always been supportive. She pushed me to be my best, but I was always free to be me. I say that because never in my life has my family ever made me feel like it would be bad to stand out from the crowd. If anything they have always encouraged it.
The truth is I didn’t want to tell anyone if I wasn’t 100% sure what I Identify as. I wanted to be absolutely sure, I was going through an internal struggle with my Sexual Identity and I wanted to find a label that fit. I saw something about Pansexuality and it resonated with me, I just knew that’s what I identify as. Also, for awhile I was actually against the idea of “Coming out,” I didn’t think it was fair that if you’re anything but straight you have to “come out.”
I am Pan because I need a way to talk about my sexuality detached from being attracted to the “Same,” to the “Opposite,” or to “Both” as if those categories are all that exist. And this is the best way I’ve found.
I’ve come to understand that gender isn’t binary, and even further that I am attracted to People and that their gender doesn’t have much to do with it. So this is where I’m at April of 2018! Continually seeking, evolving, learning, and growing.
It’s likely that if you’re reading this, you’ve had some part in helping me figure this out, be it posts you’ve shared, being supportive of me, of just being part of a community that welcomes this type of growth and sharing. I’m grateful for that.
If you have or are experiencing this, know that you aren’t alone. You are allowed to take your time, change your mind, and abandon all rules. Just know, wherever you are, whoever you are, no matter what you identify as, I love you for who you are.
This was a really long post, I had a lot to say on this topic, but if you made it to the end, thank you! Do you Identify as LGBTQ+? Are you an ally for the LGBTQ+ Community?
Thank you for reading!